DIVORCE, A DILEMMA UNSOLVED BY HUMANITY.
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Termination of a marriage
Image: Pixabay
Divorce is the termination of a social contract between two people. If we are devoted to a cause and have to leave that cause unfulfilled for any reason, it is also not less than a divorce. But before we discuss how and what a divorce does, let me show you a picture. Let your mind travel with me, and I will take you to a scene of Paradise; we all long to get there after this worldly life. Before showing you the scene, please keep the situation the Muslims often boast of in the background.
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Enjoying Companionship
Image: Pixabay
Here is a couple in Paradise. We all know from the Qur’an that it is for Pious men and women. I shall use a common word for both genders to smooth our journey. A Pious person is wed to a Nymph (please let your mind consider both genders). They have gotten the best match and are free to enjoy this relationship. Now I have a few questions. Consider them
v What is it that you want to enjoy? Only sex or companionship?
v OK, you and your partner have full health, so sex is not a big problem. But how would you enjoy companionship?
v Yes, that is a question; a companion should have to match and contrast mental faculties to make our time enjoyable, so would you like a yes model or someone who also challenges you on a mental level?
v Yes, that is coming to mind now so that the partners will be compatible creatures.
v Now, my next question is, will the nymphs or those creatures be entitled to God’s Benign qualities? Or would they be at the mercy of Pious?
v If they are at the mercy of Pious, then it can be Hell for them, so can we enjoy a relationship knowing that the other person is in Hell?
v Now, you may object that Pious will bear the best qualities. Fine, let us suppose both are best.
v Will you allow them to have an opinion of them? I mean, would you allow them freedom of expression? If you do not allow freedom of opinion, then it’s not Paradise.
v Now, both are best, so it is a natural desire to have children, and God will give as we would be in Paradise. What would you do if there is a difference of opinion? So much so that your hearts turn away from each other. Would you not desire to shun that partner and have a new one?
v Now, if we have experiences like that, will it be an ideal place? But such experiences are unavoidable. Will there be divorces and remarrying? Will there remain any difference between this world and Paradise?
v From the Qur’an(the best available and incorruptible source so far), everyone concludes, and so do I, that Paradise should not have a divorce.
v So, Paradise is a place where there would be no divorce because God dislikes it. What is the solution?
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God's Universe: All made for humans
Image: Pixabay
I answer the question. God will make both realize their mistakes and if a correction is needed, both will be separated. God’s universe is so big that it may shift to another galaxy, and only Love would bring them back together. You may ask a question here, what will happen to the children? My answer is that any parent can have them, but none will be able to poison the children's minds because both would know they have to meet again and live together. It is God’s Paradise, and there is no negativity in it. It is Paradise, and no fidelity is allowed. Everyone will be healthy and beautiful, but there will not be any flirtation.
Come back to this world and see what we are doing in the name of relationships. Let’s discuss the history of Divorce first.
HISTORY OF DIVORCE IN HUMANITY
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A Divorcee
Image: Pixabay
Divorce has been present in the history of humanity since its start. Still, it has always been related to fidelity, heartbreaking and less knowledge of the Nature of the concerned partners. Women have been the major victims of Divorces. Men do suffer, but that is not for a longer period. Men have always manipulated circumstances in their favor. Only in the recent two hundred years has there been a wave of awareness in women, and in some cases, men are victimized, but the numbers can not outweigh what is stated above.
Since the start of humanity, a realization has been that only successful men conquer women. Very few or rare may have accepted women as equal human beings or partners for happiness.
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| Adam and Eve Image: Pixabay |
If we look at the case of Adam and Eve, we see that every denomination of every religion blames Eve for the fall of humanity except the Qur’an, which says that both made an error and faced the consequences. But what happened in Islam is presenting a true picture of the beliefs of all others. Today Muslim women face the most brutality and are being blackmailed the most. There is no need to describe it here and waste time, as everyone knows it.
WHAT A DIVORCE DOES TO A HUMAN BEING AND ESPECIALLY CHILDREN?
Divorce is the second name for the failure of a person in their most intimate relationships. Physical and emotional scars can not be removed for life. Trust and confidence in humanity are lost. People fear taking chances and often lose whatever God presents them to heal them.
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Children are thought the result of a weak moment
Image: Pixabay
A divorcee or a child of a divorcee will need to take more interest in building a firm-founded family. Children do not grow into their God-gifted personalities and instead become what a worthless society makes them.
Moral indiscipline prevails, and humans make it a habit to fall from the pedestal of humanity, thinking that they are showing a Mirror to God for what He has created.
LET’S SEE IF RELIGIONS HELP IN THIS.
In today’s world, only Abrahamic faiths are considered religions because most people believe in the skin-deep translations of the Qur’an. No one dares to ask these interpreters what can come to mind on simple reading and self-thinking about the Qur’an. It is an all-including scripture, so why are other people excluded? And I would be pelted with stones if I said that Hindus are also there in the Qur’an. Let me interrupt you; they are mentioned as the most elevated people. How? Please digest it first, and wait for another time when I write about them. Just a clue, as Abrahamic faiths were corrupted, so were the Hindus.
If we look at a Christian marriage, it is done for eternity. There is no divorce. One has to bear it for good and for worse. There is no ventilation of emotions. However, Christian marriages are far better than Muslim marriages in accepting the partner’s personality, but as Cherlin has stated, individualism drives marriages toward Divorce. A partner has to become an instrument of happiness. Otherwise, a goodbye is proclaimed.
Result of hasty decisions
Image: Pixabay
Churches play a part in making marriages a dilemma because everyone is preaching what they think is right. Christians have mostly separated themselves from the church. Still, the legalization of same-sex Marriage has made it an almost impossible adventure and heterosexual couples like to live an unbound life, which leads to societies without faithfulness, enjoyable companionship, morals, and mental satisfaction.
Stepparents
Image: Pixabay
Stepparents are a great risk factor that is shaping characterless generations.
LET’S LOOK AT THE JEWISH MARRIAGES.
Jewish Marriage
Image: Pixabay
Jews are less than one per cent of the earth's total population but are earning more than twenty per cent of the world's wealth and are leading better matrimonial lives. Their character in Palestine differs from our topic, so I shall not comment on that. A deeper study of the culture and practices of Jews shows that they are trying hard to follow what they believe. They remembered the temple's destruction and made it a part of their celebrations.
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| Remembering Hearts are joining but Temple is broken Image: Pixabay |
A plate-breaking ceremony at the engagement and a glass-breaking ceremony at the end of the wedding depicts many things but also the temple's destruction. If you look objectively, you will agree with me that they are closer to the sense of the scripture, and also the Qur’an, when they take Marriage so seriously that they do not ignore the fact of the occurrence of Divorce. They have both things written and accepted at the time of Marriage. They need separate ceremonies for both of them and let the two events be witnessed. It makes both husband and wife and children more secure, which is one reason we find firmness in their resolutions, whatever they may be. Wealth is an important factor in all marriages, and being wealthy makes their thinking process comfortable.
NOW LET US COME TO THE CRUX, THE MUSLIM MARRIAGES.
There is no need to comment on Muslim marriages and waste time. Let’s get to the problem. Why do Muslim women always have an apprehension about their husbands? And why are Muslim men so insecure that they want their women to be clad from head to toe without regarding their basic Nature and mostly weather?
A Muslim Woman
Image: Pixabay
Yes, seeing a suffocated Muslim wife in hot Summer is not difficult. They are brainwashed into thinking that it is for their salvation. Who has made the men an authority to declare heaven and Hell for others? Men have been making women think from their birth that they have to look to men for their bread and butter. In contrast, Qur’an says both have a share of their income. I have discussed the word Nisa and Rijal in my Blog: Women's Rights According to The Qur'an. I have also discussed the marriageable age and conditions in that.
Who played havoc with the message of the Qur’an? Please refer to my Blog: Is Salat A Real Obligation? Here I want to pose a question; If there is a need to have two witnesses for Marriage, why is there no need to have a witness for Divorce, which is a more solemn occasion full of regret and failure, and when the future of the children is also being put on stake? Please do not refer to the court proceedings in some countries like Indonesia, where Divorce is a legal proceeding done only recently due to some awareness in the previous century.
Men are thought to be the authority in Islam
Image: Pixabay
In Pakistan and India, where I belong, husbands can divorce anytime and in any mood. Most often, women are left to the strangling of courts for financial support of the ex-husband for their children. All this is vented on children who are poisoned against the other parent. Character assassination of parents can not bring up beneficial personalities for society.
Can this child grow up into a confident
member of society?
Image: Pixabay
What will a son learn if he is ashamed of his father’s character, and will a daughter ever be able to raise another confident female for society who is told that her mother is characterless? Here, for a brief moment, I want to say something about what happens to Muslim men when they divorce their wives.
DILEMMA OF MUSLIM MEN.
Divorce: an electric wire
Image: Pixabay
Wrong interpretations of the Qur’an and falsified schools of thought of Muslim jurisprudence have given a naked electric wire in the hands of a child, with which he burns and shocks not only others but also himself. Men are taught authority without taking care of responsibility. If you make a psychological analysis of a male Muslim divorcee, you will always find him regretting his temper. If Muslim men take a vow of truth and tell, they will ask why God gave them the right to Divorce one highhandedly. God never gave anything to anyone while disregarding other person's involvement.
What happens with such men? They miss their families their whole life. They are never sure what their children think of them when they grow up in hostile circumstances. Their children become a rolling ball, and they have to arrange to meet them in unwelcome atmospheres of courts because their ex-wives feel insecure and do not allow them to enter their homes. It is very sad to see that the society which gave them highhandedness at the time of Marriage refuses to trust them again. Who is responsible for that? I shall light it in the end.
We have seen so far what a divorce does and what religious education is doing with it. Let’s analyze why a divorce takes place.
MAIN REASONS OF DIVORCE.
As far as I understand Qur’an and life, there are two kinds of people in the world, those who have a serious attitude towards life and consider it a responsibility from God and those who are non-serious. Serious and responsible people may not be well-educated, but they will never be idlers. Non-serious people result from faulty upbringing caused by any thinkable reason. Both kinds of people, in general, want to live a happy and fulfilled life. We shall have to study the reasons for this goal's failure separately.
v Let’s take serious people first; they fail a marriage mainly for not giving enough time to let the other person fit in their life. As they are serious, they expect seriousness from their partner, which needs patience. Sometimes a serious person can make mistakes in choosing a partner. Men behave like men, and women behave like women instead of human beings. Then they fail relationships.
v Non-serious people are, in fact, emotionally deprived people. In terms of psychology, they are sick, and it is very difficult to expect a healthy relationship from a sick person.
v Trust is one such factor that plays a big role in developing a relationship, whether a mother-child, sibling or marital relationship. Betrayal is not a human trait, but it does exist in society. It is not easy to overlook a betraying person. Psychological traumas are born out of it, which seldom heal.
v There is one very practical and valid reason for Divorce: fertility. We all want to leave a mark of our existence on this earth before leaving the world. Fertility is not as complex an issue as it seems to be. We are less likely to face such issues if we enter a relationship with full honesty. If there is Love and understanding, this void can be filled by offering some orphans a loving and truthful roof. I remember an adopted child said to the mockers, “My parents chose me, while yours were stuck with you.” Here only truthfulness needs regard and nothing else. If we honestly make our adopted child aware of his circumstances and offer him honesty, there would not be any problem. Why do we forget that this world is temporary?
WHAT IS THE SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM?
Please forgive me if I tell you that my solution is borrowed from the Jewish and Hindu systems, which I found in the light of the Qur’an when I started to study it seriously and tried to look deeper into other people’s views. Let’s look at the Hindu system.
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| Sacred fire Image: Pixabay |
They take fire as a witness when they conduct marriages. What is fire symbolizing? It is a symbol of hellfire on earth. Whoever transgresses the limits of faithfulness will be burned in Hell. It is also a reversion to the Nature. How trustworthy human beings are is evident from the present world scenario. We must learn to use Nature to move forward and set foot on other galaxies. And all this is something I have learned from the Qur’an.
The Jewish system shows that Marriage and Divorce are solemn occasions of our lives and must be witnessed, scripted and recorded. Remember, God has proclaimed Torah as light in the Qur’an. I do not recommend following it, but we must get its knowledge as Muslims. And by the way, if we do not like Jews, then why do we follow them in many ways? Why do we circumcise our male children?
WHO CAN CORRECT IT ALL?
Mothers can lead humanity
Image: Pixabay
WOMEN, yes, women are the most responsible people in the society. They are showing patience, resilience, devotion, courage to sacrifice and flexibility to survive in all conditions since the start of humanity. It is the right time to entrust them with authority because they bear all qualities required to lead humanity. They can feel the pulse of their fellow human beings and can heal them because they have experienced and passed through all situations. Their knowledge is first-hand knowledge. How? I suggest they mend their roles as mothers; society will be mended. It is up to a mother to teach her sons and daughters the respect, the mutual respect and the respect of their spouses. Remember, every human being wants to be respected and given rights. We can live without Love, but we can not live without respect because we are God’s second. Once we get our respect, we will embody Love and God’s Love. Only then shall humanity foot on the flight of Galaxies.
REFERENCES:
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